November 18, 2009


I was a Catholic from first grade on out. I was a devout catholic. I went to church every sunday and even helped out with the service and the singing. I prayed and I read the bible and I felt like the hard of God touched me. When I got older I entered myself into a Catholic high school youth program. I engaged! I traveled to see the Pope! I acted the role of Jesus in front of 2,000 Arizona high school teens! I was entirely catholic and it felt good!

Then I got older. I graduated high school and entered into college. I started counseling Catholic high school teens and being more active in my church. Then I started doubting everything. I wasn't sure. I desperately longed for that headfirst love for God that I used to have. Then I eventually broke off entirely from the catholic church. It happened somewhere around my 21st birthday. I just felt nothing. God wasn't there for me anymore. And I wondered if he was ever there at all.

Something tells me, though, that the REAL reason why I left the faith was the alcohol, the booze, the non-stop drinking and fucking and cursing and fighting that consumed pretty much my entire twentysomethings. Sometimes I think the only reason why I quit being catholic was the drinking.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life and the religion I created that has porpeled me into worldwide fame ...

But sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I didn't jump headfirst into an angry, boozy 20-year-old.

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