February 25, 2010

The State Of My Heart.



She just broke my heart.

She waited until I was at my weakest, until I was dealing with so much pain already from my fucked up life, until my grandparents died and my body was broken and my parents stopped talking to me and my work life was all screwed up and I was robbed at gunpoint and scarred for life, until I was physically and mentally exhausted. She waited until I was at my absolute lowest point in my LIFE to breke my heart.

So how to I try and deal with my sudden single life? By making fun of her. By verbally slapping her. By trying my best to constantly cut her down.

But that's only making her mad at me.

But for the life of me I do not want to stop hurting her.

February 21, 2010

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Steves.

This is a post about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

They bring back a ton of bad memories for me, so buckle up ...

My 2.5 kids, Emerald and Isabela and cousin Deinna next door, love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They watch and memorize all the lines and all the fight scenes of all four movies. They read the comic books and they play with the action figures. I recently bought them a crappy old video tape with 40minutes of the original cartoons. they went NUTS and now they're worshiping it, watching it every second of the day, almost praying to it in a way that when Moses comes down from the mountain he's going to get super pissed.

It's painful for me because seeing them geek out reminds me of just how much I was into them when I was their age. i see them get to into it and I remember me alone in my bedroom playing with the turtle blimp and the turtle van. I think of myself and I get embarrassed all to get out. I hate their love in spite of myself.

Well, their love is about to get worse...

Do you know the ninja rap number that Vanilla Ice did in the second movie?

Here it is ...



Well, next sunday Emerald and Deinna are going to do the ninja rap song AND DANCE in front of THE WHOLE CHURCH except they're going to be changing the word "ninja" with "jesus."

And yes I'm serious.

I'm not sure if I want to run and hide or film it and plaster it all over the internet. I feel like running and hiding but I have an obligation to the internet to film this.